GOD I CANT WAIT!!

at 7 am tomorrow i will be boarding a bus and heading upstate for a whole 3 weeks :)

Faster and faster the days keep ending. I have one more day here and then a 3 week vacation with my family and friends upstate. Jenn sadly could not attend this time and i will miss her dearly. I was lucky enough to see her tonight and give her a few things so she wont forget me. One was one of her Xmas gifts, A Jeff Hardy Purple Pendent on a ball chain. Jeff Hardy along with being the NEW WWE CHAMPION!! He is also her favorite wrestler and i only felt it right that she get this. She loves it so much and im so happy i was able to make her smile. I will call her on Xmas day to wish her a merry, and i will miss her everyday i am gone. She realizes that i need this break and it will only make our bond stronger. I have to walk her home sometime soon so i will cut this short and just say in one day i shall be upstate (Dont worry)

I love Jenn so much

Im going to meet up with Billy at clove lakes park and Nicole is meeting us there. Should be a great day. :)

Im going to get my ticket tomorrow and i plan to stay a good 2 or 3 weeks. I need to break from everything. I love my GF but shes part of my stress like all of my relationships the girl puts some sort of stress on me, Its not as bad as my past relationships but still stress is there. The family is the main cause of it, Nick has been less of a good christian boy lately so Mary Anna and Arnie have been pissed at him. So there is yelling and screaming and name calling....yes name calling from grown adults. Mary Ann keeps calling him stupid and i see how hurt he is by this. I actually gave Nick a hug and i feel bad for him. I want him to be happy no matter what he does. Mary ann claims its tough love but i dont think so.

Anyway a lot of my friends are looking forward to me coming up and im going to enjoy being with them.  I cant wait to walk around in the snow and flip around the snow banks again. Oh well i will see you all when i get there

Im so close to going back to wells for Xmas vacation but im so far away. My mind is far from wells, My mind is more along the lines of how much im going to miss Jenn, on the other side i need a job. This job search is no better then wells the only problem there is i never had anyone on my ass about getting a job. If Mary Ann was more on my ass it would be sodomization. Yeah its a bad thing to think but its true, Im not one of her kids so i wont be sitting there giving her all of my fucking pay check fuck that shit. I need that money. When i get a job im going to be keeping it. I need my own place seriously.

Anyway i got part of Jenn's Xmas gift today, now i need to rethink the rest of her gift. She found out i was getting her Craddle of filth tickets and doesnt want them because they will be singing new stuff. So now i need to rethink everything. In order to get her any type of gift i need to get work at logans hopfully Kiera is asking as we speak.
 

When i woke up i spent that on a necklace. Yeah wish i had the money to just buy anything. Christmas is coming and i have nothing to my damn name, people tell me its not about the gifts, its about the spirit and the family. Yeah but when i want to buy my GF something for Xmas i cant and as it is i cant spend it with her. Come Monday i wont have seen her for a week. It kills me, I talked to her once this week and all i want to do is hold her and tell her how much i love her and i cant. Blah something just tells me life wont work out like i planed.

I cant find anything on a job. Mary Ann told someone at her work to put my application in first so i hope it works. I need a job with money but not till after Christmas. We will see what happens

I felt like things were perfect upstate. I had my family, Friends and Jenn. I actually smiled without hesitation for the first time in idk how long. We both wanted to stay another week and were both pissed off that we came home. I know though no matter what i cant have both, she would never want to move there and my parents wouldnt want her living in the house. Why cant i get a break and have a perfect moment stay with me. I dont feel i should be here, but i dont want to leave Jenn.

I actually cried, all out tears and all. I miss my family so much and i want to have it be perfect.

I just read on WWE.com that Jeff Hardy was found knocked out in the stairwell of his hotel room. Granted this is a work and not for real but why in gods name do they build him up just to take him down again?! Jeff Deserves that fucking title more then anyone in the WWE and no matter what they keep bringing him down. HE BEAT THE FUCKING UNDERTAKER FOR GODS SAKE!! Just give him the fucking title.

Also Edge is backstage in Boston will he play a role in Survivor Series? i hope so.

I got woken up by a phone call. The women explained to me that i registered while i was at the Comic con (True) and she went through all of this and explained how i would be able to stay 3 days in Florida for 2 and 4 days in in the Bahamas, Then she said but to send out the package explaining it it would cost $500 and i could put it to a credit card.....shitty right. I said i couldn't but thank you anyway. That sucks so much ass, I was all excited and it got shattered just like that. (I just told Mary ann that it was a survey so i wouldn't have to talk to her about it)

Oh well easy come easy go i guess.

Im am so ready to go upstate to see my family, I need a vacation and wells is just the secluded area i need. I need a place i can get sleep without hearing yelling in the morning. I want to sleep till 2 without hearing Nick stumbling up the stairs. I want to be able to spend time with my GF without having to walk her home at 3 in the morning. I want to show her exactly what my life has been like for the past 5 years or so.

That and i miss my family :(

Its almost Monday. I'm going to visit my family for thanksgiving and its way over due. I was just talking to my friend Sam who is coming back to wells on Tuesday and we were remembering how it used to be just driving around the lake talking and vent our frustrations with each other. We would smoke cigarettes or a joint or a bowl and just vent about anything that was frustrating us its how we dealt with life in wells central school. being away from my family has taken a toll on my psyche but it has also gave me a chance to spreed my wings and expand my mind.

What i cant wait for the most is to taste the home cooked meals of my fathers lasagna or my mothers thanksgiving dinner again, GOD i missed home cooked meals with flavor. Mary ann wonders why i would rather eat at wendys then stay at home and eat. Oh well.

My brother and I were talking about my arrivle and how we will crack open a few cold ones like the old days, i think he misses that alot. He lost 2 of his best friends so quickly after one another. First Buddha left then I did and its hard for him to adjust but my coming to visit will be good for him.

My sister is really looking forward to seeing me again, to her I gusse I am still her baby brother and thats the way it will stay. I miss her to, Theres the late nights we would watch Buffy or Angel together and share a plate of nachos just talking about the most random shit.

My parents have stressed over and over again how happy they are that im coming to visit and i know it means so much to them i have hugs saved for all four of you when i come back. When i think about how much I miss them i cry, i try to hold it back but i feel it. I know what im doing is the best for me and it was something i wanted for a long time but also its hard on everyone.

Jenn is looking forward to seeing all of you guys to. She wants to meet my parents and wants to see how much Cruffa has grown. She misses Kiera alot and shes really looking forward to seeing her again. I have a day before the Felds come up so im going to get as much one on one time with my family as possible. Then i have a day or 2 after they leave to bond some more. Maybe we can all go for a trip somewhere who knows.

Mary ann and Arnie are going to Atlantic city for a few days for free so its going to be me and the boys on our own. It should be fun but it might be boring. Oh well ill leave you all now i gotta do some things.

Im counting down the days